Trying To Get Over An Ex? This Is How Long It Will Take You
There is no denying it: breakups hurt. No matter who did the dumping, if you were emotionally invested in a relationship, its end will ache like the sting of a massive bee. And you are forgiven for thinking “When will this awful pain go away?”. Even though everyone will tell you things will slowly improve, it takes a certain amount of time to get over an ex.
This Is When You Should Expect To Get Over An Ex According To Experts
According to Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., author of ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’: “We take six to eight weeks to heal a broken leg after it has been cast, so why not a broken heart?” After a breakup, you are forced to deal with a mix of negative emotions, like sadness, self-doubt, desperation, and anger, which will get in the way of your everyday life – especially if you were in a relationship where you lived under the same roof as your ex.
A study titled “The positive side of relationship breakups”, led by Gary Lewandowski and Nicole Bizzoco of Monmouth University, New Jersey, questioned 155 people aged 18 to 32 who had been through a breakup in the last 6 months. It found that on average it takes people 11 weeks (3 months) to start feeling better about their breakup. In fact, 71% of those participating in the survey reported being able to see some positive aspects of their breakup in a short time after the breakup. This, however, has to do with short-term relationships.
When it comes to long-term relationships and marriages, a different survey, conducted by OnePoll, showed that they take a lot longer to recover from. In fact, the survey showed it takes people one year and a half to overcome the end of a long-term relationship.
The Things Making It Harder To Get Over An Ex
Brandy Engler, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist specializing in relationships, says there are quite a few factors affecting how soon one can overcome a breakup. What you tell yourself about the breakup, what you tell yourself about the future, and whether you tell yourself that you were the victim and your ex was the villain, can all have an impact on how fast you move on.
She says: “The truth is that most couples co-create their issues. They lose sight of the nuances of how they failed each other and develop simplistic, all-or-nothing negative statements about each other.”
Moreover, if you start to convince yourself that there is a slim chance of finding someone new, or that no one will be as good for you as your ex, it can also make your recovery take longer. “It’s better to tell yourself that you are on a path to learning how to love better and keep your eyes on that goal of improving your ability to connect and love so that the next relationship will be better,” advises Engler.
How Long It Takes To Do Certain Things After A Breakup
According to the OnePoll survey, half of the participants go cold turkey (delete and block) on their former partner immediately after the breakup, but it takes the other half around 5 weeks to stop sneaking a peek on their ex’s social media. When it comes to weeping, it takes us an average of 6 weeks to stop the ‘heavy’ crying, though we are still quite likely to shed a tear every now and then after that. As for deleting an ex’s number? Well, the study showed that it takes people 6.5 weeks to press the ‘delete’ button on their mobile phones. Deleting their photos from social media and other devices takes a week longer, apparently. And getting rid of their stuff takes an average of 2 whole months – God knows why. Finally, it seems that for the 2,000 people who were surveyed, it took 13.5 weeks to go on a date after their breakup, which is a little over three months. 25% of those questioned admitted that their decision to date was an attempt to rebound and get over an ex, not so much a genuine desire to date a certain person.
Whether these numbers are accurate or not, the main thing to remember is that despite the pain and the dark thoughts, everyone will sooner or later manage to overcome the pain of a breakup and get over an ex, with the aid of his support system and a lot of soul-searching and positive thinking. We are simply not made to be alone.