Life Dilemma: Should You Choose Her Or Your Friends?
You’ve been with your buddies even since you can remember yourself; you always felt comfortable around them and never imagined there would come a day when you’d have to choose between them and another person. But this dreaded day is here, and now you have to choose her or your friends. What should you do?
Why You’re In A Position To Pick Either Her Or Your Friends
There can be two reasons why you need to decide between either her or your buddies. Number one, because you are madly in love and want to spend every waking moment with her, or number two, because they don’t get along with each other.
Making That Choice
In the first case, things are far easier. Your friends will show some understanding, especially at the start of your relationship when you are most excited. However, if you continue avoiding them and essentially shutting them out of your life, you are in for trouble. Nobody likes to feel like the third wheel, and they will soon stop making the effort to communicate with you. You need to ask for their understanding at first, and then make the conscious effort to keep in touch with them, choosing to be with them over your girlfriend frequently enough to be into each other’s lives actively.
As regards the second case, it may not be an enviable position to be in, but it happens. For some reason, sometimes people just don’t “click”. The first thing to do in this case is to find out what this reason is. Don’t make either party feel guilty for having an opinion, and try to be as objective as possible regarding their critique. Both sides may be on to something. Your friends may have detected something about her that you are too blinded by love to see, and she may have spotted something about them that you fail to register as “bad” because you love them so much or you’ve gotten used to it.
Reconciling Differences
The next step is to try to reconcile them. Try not to ever badmouth one to the other, and look for things uniting instead of dividing them. It could be a band they both like that’s playing in town. Buy tickets for the gig and take both of them with you. See if a common positive experience can make them warm up to each other.
If all else fails, get to grips with the idea you won’t be able to hang out with both your girlfriend and friends. Explain the situation to both and demand that you see them at different times. Make sure you maintain the balance and, again, never say a bad word about one of them to the other.
Relationships are in a constant state of flux, so even if you are now in a place where you must choose between her or your friends, it may not be like this forever. Remember to be honest and make an effort to keep them both in your life. After all, the people who genuinely love us can appreciate the love we get from other people too (even those they don’t like much), and they shouldn’t ever make us cut ties with them.
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