A Therapist’s Friendly Advice To Anyone Wishing To Find Love Online
Online relationships are a very real thing nowadays, and anyone denying them is clearly not living in the present. Common as they may be, however, they can be hard to handle for many of us. This is where an expert steps in with the most useful advice for people wishing to find true love online.
Can You Find True Love Online?
Renowned marriage and family therapist, Blake Griffin Edwards, wrote in his article on The Good Men Project that it’s qualities such as “vulnerability, congruence, and responsiveness that flavor the dynamic of a love relationship and amplify the power of its bond.” In his view, these are the characteristics people should be looking for if it’s genuine love online they’re after.
Vulnerability is one of the hardest things to experience in online communication. It’s because it requires a certain level of openness not all people are willing to reach with someone who’s not sitting right next to them. If you want to find a real love online, then, you should be willing to open up about your life and experiences and be vulnerable on a date; even if it’s an online date we’re talking about.
Secondly, the therapist mentions Congruence. He says, “Congruence is the experience of another person’s eye contact, the tone of their voice, facial gestures, body language, words, and meanings all matching up. In the face of a friend’s incongruence, you may ask, ‘Is everything okay? Is something on your mind?’ It is very difficult to fully experience a person and wrestle through these natural relationship dynamics online (…).”
The fact of the matter is that when two people want to make things work, they will find the ways to express their emotions no matter what physical obstacles they may have to overcome. Thankfully, technology has gifted us with cameras, microphones and all sorts of ways to connect with one another even when we’re miles apart. This, of course, will help us understand a lot about the person with whom we are communicating, enough to know whether we want to really meet them IRL.
The third and last quality that Blake Griffin Edwards refers to is Responsiveness. He says “(it) is one of those qualities in a relationship that needs to be tested in the early stages. It is related to another relationship quality: demandingness. How does (your partner) ask what (they) want or need from you? Is your partner quick to criticize or become defensive? Do they give the ‘cold shoulder’ rather than working through the conflict?”
These are important questions to consider, as they will show you whether it’s a person is good relationship material and if they would be willing to work through the relationship problems created both online and IRL.
In a nutshell, finding a perfect partner online is a very romantic and beautiful thing. However, one should be aware of the difficulties that may arise, as with every relationship, and be willing to work through them if they are to find true love online.